????????????

I don't have a lot to talk about right now. However, I do have a lot that I am thinking about. The murder of Matthew Winkler by his wife Mary. I have posted a few times about this issue on another person's blog. I haven't really posted on my own, but I am going to copy my posts from the other blog, because I think they reflect my thoughts very well and anything else I type would just be re-wording what I have already written.

Response 1:
I am not sure why everyone is so surprised about this. Yes, it is shocking when a wife kills her husband, but I think everyone is making a big deal out of this because he is a preacher. When everything boils down, it is still just a woman who killed her husband.

I read online a little while ago that the police know what her motive was, but they aren't giving details. I am very curious about the motive, because she had to have killed him for a reason. While, I don't agree with murder in anyway, I can understand a few motives.

I think we hold preachers (and by association, their wives) to a higher standard than we hold "regular" people. I don't think this is necessarily fair because preachers are just human, like the rest of us. They sin, and they fall short of the glory of God, just like the rest of us. They, like us, are covered by the same blood of Christ.

I will say prayers for his family, her family, and their precious little girls. These poor girls have to live forever with the idea that their mommy killed their daddy and that is a terrible burden, no matter WHY she did it.


Response 2:
To be honest, my comments about being shocked weren't really about you and those familiar with the individuals involved. I should have clarified that in my response.

The media is presenting this in such a way that there is MORE shock involved because this is a preacher and his wife. I don't know if it is for hype and ratings, or what the reason is, but to most people this shouldn't be really different than if the banker's wife killed her husband or the trash man's wife killed her husband.

Yes, to people who know the couple this would be harder to accept. Believe me, when I turned on the news and saw the story involving my aunt and cousin, it was disheartening. Of course, anything with child abuse/endangerment is always bad, just as murder is, it does make you feel different when you know the individuals involved.


Response 3:
Not being raised in the Church of Christ, I can't answer from first-hand knowledge, however, my experiences say that I can understand why some folks would feel that murder was the only way out.

I was raised Catholic (which also has strict rules about divorce,) but I had an aunt leave the Catholic Church and marry a man who was/is a member of the Church of Christ. Their daughters were both raised Church of Christ as well. Their youngest daughter (my cousin,) who is about 40 or 41 married a good Church of Christ boy. He proceeded to be abusive, though not physically. He was more of the verbal/mental abuse sort. He counted cookies, weighed her daily, berated her for going out for lunch with another of our cousins and accused her of looking for other men (so NOT true.)

Well, I talked to my mom on the phone the other night while driving to work and she said she had shocking news, my cousin told her parents she was divorced and had been so for an ENTIRE YEAR. She and her ex had done things together for appearances, etc.

I can't imagine being so fearful of telling your family that you are divorcing/divorced, but that is where she has been on this. She also told them she has been in college and is one year away from finishing the degree she was working on when she got married and "had to quit" college almost twenty years ago.

So, yes, I can see how some would believe that murder would be considered more acceptable, even though the idea is SHOCKING to me.

M. Night Shyamalan

M. Night Shyamalan is an awesome movie director. He makes movies that I like to watch. Movies that feature a human aspect, but have some suspense, and always have a twist to them. Now the twist is something that I have come to expect from him, so for me, the challenge is figuring out what that twist is for any given movie. In his most recent movie, "The Village," Thomas and I both figured out what the twist was, but that didn't diminish our enjoyment of it at all. We are actually watching the movie right now, which is what brought on this blog.

I first saw "The Sixth Sense" at the movies all by myself. Drew wanted to see "Pokemon 2000" or something along those lines and I had NO desire to put myself through that, so I went to a separate move. Had I really had a clue about "The Sixth Sense" I wouldn't have watched it alone, however the movie was truly awesome and I had NO IDEA how the movie was going to end. I have since watched the movie many times, and have watched it a few times with people who hadn't seen it before, and it is amazing to watch their faces as all the pieces fall into place.

Thomas and I saw "Unbreakable" together, and again, our response was one of surprise, but we enjoyed the movie immensely. We also saw "Signs" together, and though many folks we know have scoffed at the movie, we both liked it also. Actually, "Signs" scared the crap out of Thomas who wanted to sleep with all the doors shut in our basement in our house in St. Louis (our basement was fully finished and our bedroom was in the basement.) As I said, we watched "The Village" together and did figure it out, but it was great as well.

"The Lady in the Water" is to come out this summer from what I understand. Drew, Possum, and I saw the preview when we went to see Harry Potter this past Thanksgiving. I remember watching the preview, thinking that the movie didn't seem interesting at all, and what was it about anyway. Well, all of a sudden, after a really slow preview, the name "M. Night Shyamalan" came up on the screen, and my entire attitude changed. All of a sudden, I was VERY interested and I couldn't wait for the movie to come out. I still can't.

M. Night Shyamalan is a fantastic writer and director in my mind. He reminds me some of Poe or Hitchcock, but not quite as dark as either.

Computer Troubles...and Some Odds and Ends

We used to be a one computer family, we were for a long time and it worked well for us. When we moved to California, we put our desktop in storage and bought a laptop. We used the laptop exclusively until we moved into this house last January. At that time we had the desktop in the basement and the laptop upstairs. The desktop became Thomas' computer and the laptop was mine, though we did share so Thomas didn't have to go downstairs to check his email or to boot around online.

Last July, friends of ours gave us an old IBM laptop so Thomas and I could both have a computer upstairs and the desktop would be used only for Thomas' recording projects. Well, shortly before I went back to work, I had an accident with the newer laptop by spilling something into the keyboard. This caused the laptop to not work at all. So, we were back to one laptop and one desktop, but we were fine with that because Thomas and I had moved the desktop upstairs so he could do his recording up here.

All was fine until today. My laptop, the older one that our friends gave us, shut down and nothing I could do would make it work. I tried to reformat the hard drive and that didn't even work. I tried to put a new hard drive in the computer and that didn't work. Nothing worked. The laptop would power up, but nothing would load. So, as of now, we are back to one computer. For a very short time, believe me!!!

My dream computer is a Mac. I had thought about getting an iBook or a PowerBook, but we haven't really had the best luck with laptops, so I am looking at an iMac. I was impressed tonight while looking at the iMac's, I can get a lot of computer for my money, a lot more than if I would buy a laptop, so it looks like we will have two desktops very soon. I plan to make my purchase when we get our tax return back. Thomas is going to get some equipment he needs for his music recording and I am going to get my computer. We are also going to go on a date, we haven't been on a date in quite a while because of Sofia, but it is time.

For other info, I am going shopping with a friend tomorrow. I am bringing Sofia and she is bringing her baby boy who is six weeks older than Sofia. My two toddlers are staying with Thomas, her two toddlers are staying at home with their dad. Going shopping with babies only is so easy, I am looking forward to it.

Tomorrow evening after I go shopping, we are going to look at a house. Not to buy, but our landlord also rents a home that has five bedrooms, compared to our three. That house just became vacant, and the rent is the same, so we are going to go look and see about moving over there. I am very excited. Drew will still have his own room, Possum will have his own room, and the girls will be together. That will give us a guest room, which we are excited about, we had one in St. Louis and that was WONDERFUL! So I hope everything works out for this.

And last of all, I have my annual evaluation at work on Wednesday evening. I am excited and nervous at the same time.

Have a good night everyone, I am tired and Harry Potter (as read by Jim Dale) is calling for me!

Dream Car?

Everyone has a dream car or cars. So, saying money is no object (you win the $300 million jackpot,) what car or cars would you go out and buy?

I have a few cars that I want, quite a few actually. My current "I want it" car is a convertible VW Beetle, but I want the cream color with the tan top. However, if money was no option, I have other cars I would want. I would like a red, convertible Porsche 911 (without a spoiler.) I would also want a great big Mercedes-Benz (I haven't quite decided which model, but it would be one of the big sedans.)

Thomas has always said he wants the Volvo V70, a station wagon.

But, if I could go out tomorrow and buy something brand new, it would be something small with awesome gas mileage. The Suburban is great for when we all go out, but it is overkill if I am driving it by myself. I would want a Toyota Prius or a Honda Civic Hybrid...I like the idea of 60mpg.

What about anyone else?

Pro-Life

My last post got me thinking about the terminology used in the abortion debate. Pro-life, pro-choice, pro-abortion, anti-abortion, anti-choice, pro-death, etc. I have heard the pro-death handle used by radical abortion activists.

So, I started thinking about the term pro-life and what it really means. Pro-life really means that the individual is FOR LIFE. Being raised Catholic, I have been raised in a pro-life environment. The Church believes in the sanctity of human life, all human life. The Church is against abortion, against the death penalty, against war, against human rights violations, etc.

Can you be pro-life, meaning anti-abortion, and pro-death penalty at the same time? Of course, you can be anti-abortion and pro-death penalty at the same time. However, I am not sure you can still call yourself pro-life. I think it is a big contradiction, but then we humans are very contradictory by nature.

I am not exactly sure where I stand on the death penalty issue, but I know I am mostly opposed to it. Most of my opposition though stems from the fact that it is not used equitably. I definitely lose no sleep over the fact that Ted Bundy was put to death, however I think it is a punishment that should be used in extreme cases only. I think that the risk of being wrong should limit the use to only the most heinous of crimes.

I know my own beliefs are all over the radar, but I also think the term pro-life should be used only by those that really are pro-life. I think I will have to refer to myself as anti-abortion, because the one thing I despise above all other things is hypocrisy, especially self-hypocrisy.

Abortion

I need to start this post by stating that I am blatantly stealing the idea from a blog I frequent regularly. The author of that blog and I agree that abortion is wrong. The author was stating in her comments that for someone to be against something, they must be for something as well. If we are against abortion, what are we for? I got the impression from her blog that she didn't think that stopping abortions was enough, and I have to say I agree with her (if that was indeed what she was saying.) We can't tell people that they HAVE to have a baby and then not give them options. Adoption is always an option if both of the baby's parents are Caucasian and healthy and the baby's mother has not used drugs or alcohol during her pregnancy. Of course, even the healthiest parents sometimes have a baby who has health problems, in that case the baby is less "adoptable."

I have copied my reply on her blog and I want to post that reply here, because I think it gives a good overview of my feelings:

I am against abortion. I am against abortion in cases of rape, though incest I am on the fence about. I am against abortion in the "life of the mother" loophole, because I really think that it is a loophole and not a valid reason for an abortion.

I believe birth control is a choice, but a choice that comes before conception and not afterwards. I am a BIG believer in personal responsibility.

I also believe that voting for a candidate SOLELY because they are anti-abortion is as wrong as abortion. Just because someone is anti-abortion does not mean they are a good person or a good leader. There are many issues and many ideologies and all must be weighed against each other.

I ALSO believe that to be anti-abortion, but to not realize that SOMETHING needs to be done for these unwanted babies is ALSO as wrong as abortion. To not help in some way is not right. To tell a woman she HAS to have a baby she does not want, but not help her in some way with what she needs to do is also wrong. If she is young, white, and healthy and the baby's father is young, white, and healthy there is not much to worry about, the baby will find a home. But if the baby is not white, the mom used drugs, the baby is not perfectly healthy, etc than most of these babies won't have a home.

Every state in the country needs foster parents for babies AND children. Some healthy who just aren't "privileged" to be white, some with special needs or chronic illnesses. Please help the situation not just spout ideologies.

So, there you have it, this is my belief. Abortion is not birth control, it is murder. Be responsible and prevent unwanted pregnancies before they occur!

Speaking English

A question that has been going through my mind in the past few days has to do with speaking English. This question has a couple different branches that I wish I could answer or receive an answer.

The first question is in regards to speaking English properly, in this I am talking about people born in this country who speak English as a first language. I work in a hospital, where most of the people employed there are professionals of one sort or another. In a professional environment, being able to speak proper English is necessary. Now, as I work in Georgia, most of the people I come in contact with have a deep Southern accent, but most people still speak properly. Yes, people have Southern ways of saying things and local colloquialisms, but this isn't my concern. When I worked in St. Louis, in the Midwest, there was local accents there as well as local colloquialisms, and again this isn't a problem. My biggest concern is the fact that so many people do not have a good grasp of proper English. Not only is this skill required for a professional, the lack of this skill makes people sound uneducated, lazy, and lacking respect.

The second question is in regards to people who move to this country who have spoken another language as their first language. I have no problems with people immigrating to the U.S. (legally) however, I do have a problem with people who choose to move here, live here, and work here, yet do not make any attempt to learn English. I understand that learning a second language takes time and effort, yet basic, conversational English should be relatively easy. I had a girlfriend who went to Spain as an exchange student for a summer, and she said it was VERY EASY to pick up a language if you were saturated in it, day in and day out. I would imagine the reverse would be true as well, and have had this confirmed by people I have talked to from other countries. I am not talking about fluency, just conversational.

If anyone can give me insight or opinions, please post and let me know.

Unions: Good or Bad

I have been reading a lot about the auto industry of late, about their financial woes, etc. There is the ongoing talk about the employees, specifically the unionized auto workers. The automobile manufacturers are losing money hand over fist, more accurately, they are hemorrhaging money. They blame this on the wages and benefits and pensions, etc of the workers and retirees. This may be partly true, as an auto worker with a high school education makes quite a bit more than I do as a Registered Nurse. Not only do they have better pay, they have better benefits and better retirement. However, with the automotive industry, I think the major problem is with a sub-par product. There is massive talk that the Asian carmakers don't have the union wages, benefits, pensions, retirees, etc as overhead, and yes this is true; but the major issue in my mind is the fact that the Japanese (and other Asian carmakers) build far superior automobiles. If Detroit built American automobiles with the quality, longevity, and efficiency of the Asians, the increased overhead would only be a minor factor. No one heard any crying out of Detroit in the 90's when people were buying the big SUV's. If Ford, GM, or Chrysler (whom I guess is still American) had ANY sort of foresight they would have the biggest cars with a minimum city MPG of 20, which is why I have no sympathy for the Big Three.

On the other side of the coin is the airlines. The airlines started their downfall with 9/11. They never recovered financially from the devastation before gasoline starting costing more and more and more. Don't even get me STARTED on the oil companies. Now, I don't think it is fair for the airlines to hide in bankruptcy protection and use that as leverage to cut their employees salaries by huge percentages. If I went to work and was told my salary would decrease by 25%, I would have to file for bankruptcy as well as my employer. Now the unions for the pilots and the flight attendants have bent over backwards to accommodate the airlines, but the airlines keep taking more and more. I don't know how long the employees can keep giving without getting. I hear the Delta pilots are talking about a strike and I can't say I blame them with all they have already given up. Now, unlike with the auto makers, I feel this is unfortunate for the airlines as well. I didn't mean there was anything wrong with them filing for bankruptcy except when it is used as an excuse to screw their employees.

Now, as a nurse, I have never worked as a union nurse. However, when I was a traveler, I did work in a facility where the nurses were unionized, although I was a contract employee and not under the umbrella of the union. I did get to feel the benefits of working where there was a collective voice, and I must say that it was phenomenal. Nurses had a voice and it was loud and it was acknowledged. One voice is nothing, but many are loud and powerful.

My dad was a union railroad worker and I remember him in contract negotiations and I remember him when he was on strike. I also remember that the workers ALWAYS gave more concessions than the railroad could ever dream of giving.

I have presented the positive of unions, but there are negatives as well. I know when the grocery store workers in St. Louis went on strike, they lost much more than their agreed upon contract made up for in the end. To be honest, I am not sure why cashiers and baggers should be unionized. Everywhere else I have ever lived, these jobs are normally filled by high school kids. Cake decorators and butchers I see, but not cashiers and baggers.

I would like to hear from anyone with positive or negative comments about unions as this is something I am VERY curious about and interested in.

The Acadamy Awards

We are watching The Acadamy Awards tonight. I have my favorites, of course, that I want to win. But to be absolutely honest, I haven't seen any of the movies nominated to win Best Picture, so I don't really have a choice for that award.

But in the acting categories, I do have favorites. Now to be fair, I can't comment on their performances in the roles they are nominated for, but I have seen them in many roles in the past. This does mean that I will be rooting for certain actors and actresses.

So far, George Clooney has won and Rachel Weisz has won. I didn't really have an opinion on the Supporting Actress category, but I am thrilled that George Clooney won for Supporting Actor. I would have been happy to see Matt Dillon win as well. As a side note, I don't think that Matt Dillon has aged in about twenty years, he is still adorable.

Well, Lauren Bacall is on right now. They have the picture behind her of when she was young; she was beautiful then and she is beautiful now. She has aged so gracefully.

Well, more comments to come later as I feel the need :o)

Music

Music is a big deal in my house with Thomas being a musician. We both have eclectic music tastes. While we don't agree 100% we do agree on a lot. We both like rock music and country music and classical music, etc. However, our least favorite music right now is pop country. I think if we were exposed to a lot of pop rock it might be high up on our dislike list as well, but we don't listen to any radio stations that play pop rock.

We do listen to a station that plays pop country though. I am a big country music fan, but I like classic country or music that is really country music. Unfortunately, country radio doesn't play much in the way of real country music anymore. A few years back, Vince Gill recorded an awesome country album called "High Lonesome Sound." This was IGNORED by country radio though Vince was a very popular singer at the time. I listen to a station locally that is big in classic country, I get to hear the greats all the time. I hear Conway, Patsy, Dolly, Kenny, The Oakridge Boys, Hank, George Jones, etc on a regular basis. However, any new song that sounds TOO country still seems to be avoided, which is sad in my opinion.

It is sad that some of the BEST country songs in recent memory were written and recorded by rock singers. Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock recorded "Picture," Sting had "I'm So Happy I Can't Stop Crying," and Bon Jovi just released "Who Says You Can't Go Home." Toby Keith did a cover of Sting's song and I think Sting recorded it with him and Bon Jovi's song is released on country radio with Jennifer Nettles from Sugarland (whom I dislike immensely!) I am not sure why rock musicians are coming up with some of the best country songs recorded (and played on country radio) in along time.

I don't have a problem with pop music in general, actually it really does have a place. However, I feel if you want to record pop music, record pop music and have it played on pop music stations. I get very frustrated when I want to listen to country music and turn on the radio and I hear pretty much what Brittney Spears is doing, but with a fiddle and a steal guitar added. This wouldn't be such an issue if it occurred once in a while, but this is all that I hear anymore.

I like music with heart and soul, and this is what is missing in most any type pop music. Give me some Melissa Etheridge, Dave Matthews, Patsy Cline, and Loretta Lynn any day!

Odds and Ends

Well, Thomas is officially finished at Chili's, and I for one am very happy. It was nice to have the extra cash coming in, but I find greater fulfillment out of our time at home than with anything that extra money could buy. Also, with the greater responsibility I have at work with the committees means we REALLY need him to be home in the evenings so we can have time together now that I am away more.

We are starting to talk about buying a house. Nothing serious yet, but we are talking which is very exciting...and a little scary too. Since we know we don't want to stay here forever, we aren't sure if we want to buy now or not. However, if we stay four more years, we will have had a little time to build some equity into a home and that would allow us to be able to have a pretty good down payment on a home where ever we decide to move. Of course selling is always risky because you never know what the market will be when you want to move. Right now this area seems to be very much a buyers market, but that isn't good if you are trying to sell.

Possum is in his second session of swimming lessons, he has classes every Monday and Wednesday. He loves the classes, he takes them with my friends' daughter Grace and they are having fun. He is very daring, while Grace is more timid, so it has been interesting watching them progress. Speaking of Grace, when my friend was working a couple of weekends ago (Heather is also a nurse,) Grace got hold of a pair of scissors when her dad fell asleep on the couch and gave herself a haircut. Grace is three, she will be four in April, she is definitely not a hair stylist. Heather had to take her to get her hair "fixed."

Okay, so I am watching SVU as I am typing this, and John Munch is such a cynic. He is always going on about Big Brother, I think John and Thomas are related. Sofia is having "tummy time" while I am doing this and she is getting very unhappy. She doesn't like tummy time very much, but this isn't the first time I have had one of my children mad at me, and it won't be the last.

Tomorrow is grocery day, so it will be busy. We will go to BJ's and Kroger, and spend a fortune I am sure. We will go after swimming lessons, so we will have a long day. I am not too fond of our BJ's locally, which is a shame as the one in North Carolina was outstanding. I wish we had a Costco like we did in St. Louis, but there is not one close by, though there are rumors that one might be built.

Well, enough rambling for tonight.

Where Do I Want To Live For The Rest Of My Life?

This has been a big topic of conversation in our house lately. Where do we want to settle down and live forever? We like it here, but we know this is not where we want to stay forever. We LOVED California, but we will never be able to buy a house there as it is WAY to expensive. Small houses generally had $6000/month mortgage payments, I can't imagine what we would have to pay for a four bedroom house. So unless we win the lottery, I don't see living in California permanently as an option. Now, as has been discussed on this blog in depth, I enjoyed many things about St. Louis, but had a hard time with the lack of friendliness/ability to make friends. Also the fact that the nurses are paid crap doesn't help. If I could move the zoo, the museum, and the science center to an area of the country that was friendlier and paid better, I would have found my dream locale (as long as the weather suited!)

The weather is actually of significant discussion in our house. We would love to live in California as I said, and we could deal with the lack of four seasons for the payoff of a mild summer. However, as we can't afford to live there, this is a non-issue. Since we are living on the East Coast we really are living in an area with four seasons, which I love. However, I like a cold, snowy winter and that does not exist in Georgia. I hate hot, sticky summers, but I could deal with it if the trade off was a cold, snowy winter. This is why dealing with St. Louis summers was okay, we generally had cold winters even though there wasn't enough snow for my taste. I prefer cold to hot anytime, no matter the precipitation levels.

So, of late, we have been discussing the Northeast as an option. Now, I HAVE to have a pediatric facility to work in as I WON'T go back to adults, and to be honest, real pediatrics is done in children's hospitals, not on "pediatric" floors in regular hospitals. My experience with nurses who have worked on "peds" floors is that they say they take care of adult "overflow" patients more than they care for kids. So anywhere we would go would be contingent on the availability of a pediatric hospital. Of course, pay versus cost of living is of significant concern. My pay would have to be the same as it is here, based on the cost of living of wherever we moved to, meaning if it would have to increase if it was more expensive to live in the area, and it could decrease if the cost of living was less.

The other issue is Drew, we won't move ANYWHERE until he is out of high school unless he gives his approval. We have promised we will stay here until he graduates, which is four and a half years from now. However, he knows we won't be here permanently, so if he ever decides he doesn't like it here or he just wishes to move on, we will start looking.

My mom and my brothers live in Virginia, and though I don't want to move there, I do want to be "relatively" close. Driving, they live about ten hours from us now and I wouldn't want to be farther than that unless we win the lottery and move to California, but then we could fly back and forth frequently without money concerns.

We have discussed Philadelphia, as this meets most of my needs. Philly has cold winters and an outstanding children's hospital. CHOP is the number one children's hospital in the country, so there is nothing to complain about there, I just need to research how they pay.

We have also discussed New England, and some areas have children's hospitals, so again the issue would be pay, since I know New England has snowy winters.

Thomas is opposed to NYC, which is somewhere I would love to go. He would go to New York if it was outside of the city. I am not sure if there are any children's hospitals outside of NYC, so I will have to do some research.

It all boils down to not really having some place either of us really feel is home. Thomas would go back to Raleigh in a heartbeat, but I have no desire to live in North Carolina again. I grew up in Virginia, but its not home anymore, unfortunately I don't think I have found anywhere that is home. I will just pray that wherever we go is where we are supposed to be and we go when we are supposed to.

Random Thoughts

Last night was BUSY at work, but thankfully the group of nurses I worked with were big on the idea of teamwork. There were two new graduate nurses on the floor last night, and it reminded me how far I have come in almost seven years as a nurse. One of the two is doing pretty good for where she is post-graduation. The other just can't wrap her brain around the big picture and gets stuck on relatively minor details that don't matter much in the grand scheme, hopefully she will catch on. As I don't work on that floor often, it may be a month or more before I go back, so maybe there will be visible improvement.

I got an admission of a teenage girl, who by the what the ER told me when they were describing her symptoms, etc sound like she might have HIV, which broke my heart in thinking that it might be true. However, when she got to the floor and getting to talk to her and her mom, the symptoms sound more like an autoimmune disorder, most likely lupus. Thankfully there are tests for lupus, but I don't know why she has never been tested before as these are chronic problems, some symptoms since she was four.

However, thinking about HIV made me very aware that the kids AND their parents need some real education. Most parents and teens worry about pregnancy, which is legitimate, unfortunately sometimes pregnancy is the least of the problems. HIV and Hepatitis are HUGE problems, not to mention the many other STD's that kids can be exposed to during unprotected sex. I have had a few kids come in who are on birth control pills, with their parent's knowledge, but have had gonorrhea, pelvic inflammatory disease, or other issues.

As a parent, I want my children to make good choices and I don't want them to become sexually active while in high school. However, as a realist (and a pediatric nurse,) I realize that if they AREN'T sexually active, they will be in a significant minority. I also want to make sure that my children, should they decide to become sexually active, make safe choices.

On a more chipper note, Drew is in the kitchen doing one of his favorite things, he is baking chocolate chip cookies. Drew loves to make cookies. I like to bake, but cookies are tedious for me, I prefer to bake cakes, brownies, etc. I want to get my mom's recipe for "Death By Chocolate" Cheesecake to make sometime. I love that cheesecake, but I need to make it when we have company as it is VERY rich.

I am car shopping, not SERIOUSLY yet, but soon enough. I won't buy anything new at this time, maybe in a few years. However, we are a one car family at this time, which we have been for quite a while, so that is not the issue. BUT, our one car is a Chevy Suburban and my one way drive to work is about 26-27 miles. I want to buy a small car to go to and from work and for errands that I do on my own, or with just one child. I used to have a Honda Civic, which I loved and would be ideal again. My mom drives a 2000 Toyota Echo and gets about 40-45 mpg on average. The Suburban is necessary for all of us to fit, our Jeep only seated five and now we are six. I do miss the Jeep, though the gas mileage is about the same in the Jeep and the Suburban, but the Jeep was significantly smaller. The Suburban is big and cumbersome, I am getting used to driving it, and more specifically, parking it, but it seems like overkill for me to drive it by myself to and from work.

My other thought is that I blessed with my family, I have healthy and happy children and I am married to a man that I love more and more everyday.

My Boss

I have to say that I am very lucky, I have the best boss I could imagine. I have been a nurse almost seven years and have worked under many different nurse managers, some good and some bad; Vicky is bar far the best.

I was hired in December of 2004 by a different manager and I didn't know that my department was getting a new manager when I accepted the job. I got very lucky, not that the other manager wasn't good. Vicky started a gradual takeover of our department in January and was fully our manager in April. I liked her immediately. When my mother-in-law died at the end of June, she was so supportive, telling me to take all the time I needed. When I went into early labor and got put on bed rest, she again told me not to worry, but to take care of myself and do what I needed to do to have a healthy baby.

Yesterday evening I called her office at 8:00 PM to leave her a message so she could call me next week. She was still in her office and talked to me for twenty minutes even though she had been at work all day long. She is very encouraging to me in my career endeavors.

I wish every boss could be like mine, unfortunately too many people who get into management do so because they are not capable of doing the jobs of those they manage. Thankfully, Vicky is not like this, she is an awesome nurse. I am very lucky to have a boss that I both like and respect.

Going to Church

Thomas and I have discussed going back to church numerous times. We have discussed where to go should we go, and because of my beliefs, I would only want to go to a Catholic Church and Thomas has said he would be very willing to go with me.

Most of my nursing career, I have worked every weekend or every other weekend which isn't conducive to church going, actually working EVERY weekend makes it impossible. I now work every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. It is actually possible to go to church, but I am exhausted on Sunday mornings after working 36 hours in three days.

Thankfully, the Catholic Church has many options for Mass. You can go Saturday evening, any number of choices on Sunday morning (most churches have at least three Sunday morning Masses,) and some churches have a Sunday evening Mass. Unfortunately, some Sunday evening Masses are "youth" Masses, which is not a problem in theory, but I have been to some really bad youth Masses. In all honesty, I have not been to a youth Mass here locally, but I always have a bad taste in my mouth at the thought, because of past experiences.

The other "issue" is of course, we are living in the middle of the Baptist buckle of the Bible Belt. I can get in my car and drive two miles in any direction and I will come across at least one, usually more, Baptist Churches of one variety or another. I wish I could say the same for Catholic Churches, but that is on the other end of the spectrum. There are NO Catholic Churches within two miles of my house, I think the closest one is between 5-10 miles away and is an "old fashioned" Church in the sense that they still ONLY say Mass in Latin. I think the second closest Church is between 10-15 miles from here (and last time I checked on the website, they didn't have a Sunday evening Mass.) Which means that the closest Catholic Church with a Sunday evening Mass is quite a drive.

I know, I know, I shouldn't complain and I should suck it up and deal with it and just drive however far I have to drive. But, to get four children ready for Church, with the three youngest aged three and younger, it would be quite a challenge getting anywhere in the evening, especially since the little ones are getting close to their 7:00 bedtime.

unfortunately, there is no way I can change my schedule to make going to Church "work" better. I have to work every weekend for financial reasons. However, I am feeling the need to go back to Church. I want to go for the spiritual reasons, but also for the social reasons. I guess I will go back to the Diocese website and see what I can find during some down time this weekend at work.

I just ask anyone reading this to say prayers that I can find something that will work for my family. I don't want to go to Church by myself, so it really does have to work for the entire family. Just don't suggest we go to a different denomination because anytime I have looked into that, it has never happened because of my own belief system. Just pray for me during this time of looking to go back to Church.

Nursing Humor

Nurses are an interesting breed and we have a very weird sense of humor, some might even say demented. I did a search online for some of my favorite nursing jokes and thought I would share them here. My comments will be added in a different color if I feel the urge to expound.

Top Ten Reasons To Become A Nurse:

1. Pays better than fast food, though the hours aren't as good.
2. Fashionable shoes and sexy, white uniforms. (Thank God for scrubs.)
3. Needles: Its better to give than receive.
4. Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops....eventually.
5. Expose yourself to rare, exciting, and exotic new diseases.
6. Interesting aromas.
7. Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8. Do enough charting to navigate around the world. (Twice.)
9. Celebrate the holidays with all your friends...at work.
10. Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter what you do to them.


You know you are a nurse when:
~ Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal. (You mean its not?)
~ You compliment a complete stranger on his veins.
~ You find yourself betting on someone's alcohol level.
~ You know that KY Jelly is optional.
~ You believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam, and Compazine.
~ You would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark alley one night. (Amen.)
~ You believe not all patients are annoying...some are unconscious.
~ Your sense of humor gets more "warped" each year.
~ You can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
~ Almost everything can seem humorous...eventually.
~ You've been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another table throw up.
~ You notice that you use more four letter words now than before you became a nurse.
~ You don't get excited about blood loss...unless its your own.
~ Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan seems perfectly natural.
~ You've sworn that you are going to have "NO CODE" tattooed to your chest. (Double amen.)

I hope everyone got at least a small smile from these.

Causing Pain

The thought of causing, or inflicting pain, always brings to mind the idea of physical pain. However, physical pain is sometimes much easier to deal with than emotional pain or anguish. So this blog today is about causing emotional pain.

We are all human, and we have all hurt each other from time to time. None of us are perfect, and we can even hurt another person unintentionally. Thinking back over my life I can recall instances where I have hurt those that I loved or cared about. Sometimes it is unavoidable. I am thinking of a young person breaking up with their high school boyfriend or girlfriend. However, I think having our hearts broken is a necessary step in growing up. It is never easy to have your heart broken, but we do move on and do we even remember the names of everyone we ever dated and dumped or were dumped by?

I am having a difficult time putting my thoughts down on this subject because, though I know what I am thinking, I am having a hard time putting it into words. So bear with me if I ramble or don't make sense from time to time.

I am thinking of situations where people do things for no other reason than to cause pain, or they do it in spite of the pain they will cause, because it will make things easier or better for them, neverminding what it will do to someone else. These types of situations are what I have been thinking about (though I know I am not doing a very good job of putting my thoughts down.)

These types of situations are ones that I think a person must not only ask for God's forgiveness, but for the forgiveness of those they have wronged. Some injuries have more than one victim, those that are the obvious victim and those that are hurt, even if they don't seem to be at the time.

I am hoping that typing this will be cathartic, because I carrying around ill will towards people who have hurt me and those I love. I ask God to help me with the ill feelings I have, but as with most things, I try to "help" God fix me, which never works, and I know this. However, as a human, I have a hard time letting anyone "fix" me or things around me, even if we are talking about the perfect, all knowing, all loving God.

So, I ask God to help me forgive, even if I am unable to forget.

Child Abuse

A fellow nurse had mentioned this case to me, but I just saw it for myself in the paper. A mother in Texas was watching the news and said that God told her to chop her baby girls arms off and then chop her own arms, legs, and head off.

A local man, here in the Atlanta metro area, convinced homeless women to let him take in their children (girls) and then proceeded to rape and beat these girls. His own teenage son is accused of raping some of the girls and his daughter is accused of beating them. Of course, the mothers in this situation share some guilt, I can't imagine what it is like to be homeless and not sure when, or if, your kids will eat again, let alone where they will sleep. So, when a well dressed man talks to you about helping you out by taking in your children until you get back on your feet, I guess the offer might seem tempting. This man is getting ready to stand trial, but unfortunately the girls he harmed are going to be the ones to pay a terrible price for the the rest of their lives.

As a nurse in a pediatric hospital, I have had the unfortunate experience of dealing with abuse and neglect. I am grateful that I have not had to deal with this too much, well not abuse anyway. I do see more neglect than I could have imagined, and neglect is a form of abuse.

As a mother of four, I do understand getting frustrated with children. Believe me, I am human, one child can be frustrating at times, let alone two or three or more. However, I could not imagine hurting my children, especially hurting them in the extremes. I don't understand how one could beat,torture, or maime their children. I don't understand how anyone could starve their children, lock them in closets, deny them hugs and kisses, etc.

My children are the most precious human beings in the world. All children are precious and are gifts from God. God entrusts these fragile, innocent beings to our care and I have accepted His gifts, and while I fail to meet His perfection, I do feel I am a good mother. I try my best, and I know sometimes I fall short, but I could never cause harm to my children in any way.

I just don't understand how anyone can hurt a child. I pray for wisdom in caring for the children who have suffered the unimaginable. I also pray for wisdom in dealing with individuals who have caused this harm.

Divorce

Let me start this post by first stating that divorce is a terrible ordeal for everyone involved. It is even worse when children are involved. Thomas and I have both been divorced. We were both married once before we got married to each other. I never want to get divorced again, but thankfully I am married to a man who is absolutely perfect for me, so I don't ever foresee this marriage not working.

I am thinking about the subject of divorce because friends of ours are in the middle of splitting up. It is a strange place to be when you are friends to both of the parties involved. Thomas and I have not wanted to take sides, but offer our friendship and support to both. This is VERY difficult, especially when one of the individuals starts acting completely insane. I should say that neither of them are without blame, and both have done things that are rather stupid since they split up, but one of them has gone above and beyond the bounds of "normal stupidity."

I won't go into all the sordid details on this blog, but I do wonder how folks who managed to be married for almost 20 years all of a sudden start acting like teenagers, neverminding the fact that they have teenagers of their own. Heck, their own teenagers are acting more mature than their parents are at this point in time. Actually, part of the couple is doing worse than acting like a teenager, this person is becoming HUGELY irresponsible and becoming violent, to the point they have threatened their spouse's life. Yes, law enforcement is involved, so hopefully everything will be okay.

There is a heck of a lot more going on, but Thomas and I have discussed this and don't feel like I should put this on a blog in case the folks involved, or their friends, should read this. I do want to say that both parties are at fault and both have made bad choices since they split up. I do not think that, as far as the marriage is concerned, that either party is more or less to blame about its failure than the other party. I do believe that one of them is acting with much less sense since they split, but aside from the threats being made, I don't think anyone has the right to act like a victim as they have both screwed up the situation.

Now, should anyone involved read this, I don't want anyone's feeling hurt, which is why I have left out names, and even genders in my discussion. I also want both individuals to know that I still care for them both, if not the choices they have made, and that I am praying for them and their children. I hope both of them can put aside any hurt and blame they feel and start to work in the best interests of their children, and themselves.

New Look

I decided it was time for a change. I liked the other look because it was very feminine, however it was becoming a little too pink for me. So, I will see how I like this look.